Port Harcourt — It’s official! After weighing all options and carefully considering my abilities and potentials, I’ve decided to gun for a record and secure a listing in the 68-year-old Guinness World Records (GWR.) It’s official; I must engage in something and break a record while still breathing and alive. I don’t want to end like my sister masseur who collapsed somewhere in Lekki, Lagos while trying to set a record by massaging for 72 hours. Joyce Ijeoma slumped from exhaustion after the 50th hour. After a lengthy period of rest, Joyce said: “I was mentally ready, but my body failed after 50 hours of giving massages. My body was exhausted but my mind was okay.” Why didn’t she stop at 50 hours which would have still broken the existing record of 25 hours and 4 minutes set by Alastair Galpin in 2015? Her words: “When you are doing something you try to do your best. I felt I could do that. When you try to set a record, you will consider something that won’t be so easy for other people to break it. I had plans to go more than 72 hours.”
Coincidentally, GWR has released worrying statistics on the avalanche of requests for record breaking efforts from Nigerians. Just this week, it announced that it had received 1,500 applications from Nigerians alone since May 2023 to embark on record-breaking endeavours. GWR didn’t say, but I believe the figure itself qualifies as a record! And of course, my own application will boost the number. If we want to understand the new record mania in Nigeria, we will look no further than Hilda Baci, the Akwa Ibom chef who set a record “for the longest cook-a-thon in May.” GWR confirmed Hilda had “officially broken the record for the longest cooking marathon (individual) with a time of 93 hours 11 minutes.” The 26-year-old cooked over 100 pots of food for four days. Then the flood gates opened. 22-year-old Damilola Adeparusi (Aka Chef Dammy) began a 120-hour cooking run in Ekiti State on 9 June and concluded 13 June, to “test herself.” Many people accused her of bad bele (envy) that she didn’t allow Hilda time to enjoy the fruits of her labour in the kitchen. Unfazed, she promised to hold another stunt. “This time, it will be held for 150 hours, and it will be duly registered with Guinness World Records. Chef Dammy is coming back!”
But before Dammy could come back, Ondo-chef, Adeyeye Adeola Blessing began a 150-hour marathon to break Hilda’s milestone. She began on 30th June in Ondo State and achieved her target, and said she was ready to “push even further.” Then gospel artiste, Oluwatobi Kufeji began a praise-a-thon on July 5, hoping to sing for 200 hours to break “the previous record of 105 hours set by Indian singer Sunil Waghmare in 2012.” Just when we thought we had had enough, creative Nigerians announced plans for “kiss-a-thon, lecturing, praise and worship, crying marathon to ‘sex-a-thon attempts.” GWR which prides itself “as the global authority on all things record-breaking” is a sprawling business with a presence in London, New York, Beijing, Tokyo and Dubai. GWR adjudicators confirm records all over the world for a database containing some 62,252 record titles. It says its aim is to “document the incredible.” To be considered for entry as a record, the attempt or activity must be Measurable, Breakable, Standardisable and Verifiable.
This brings me to an important question: Why the rush to break records in Nigeria at this time? A kind spin is that the human spirit is indomitable. Life, after all is about pushing boundaries. Indeed, if British scientist Michael Faraday had been content, he won’t have achieved the breakthroughs that led to the discovery of electricity as we know it today. If the Wright brothers (Orville and Wilbur) hadn’t kept pushing with their pioneering work, they won’t have introduced the age of aviation which has revolutionised travel today. So, it could be argued, let Nigerians continue to break records and advance the human spirit and experience. Another explanation is the crave for celebrity status with the associated social and financial benefits. Hilda instantly achieved fame which went beyond the four walls of her kitchen. Journalists lined up to interview her just as politicians and government officials courted her company. Who doesn’t like to be associated with a good brand?
But, in my opinion, here is the real reason for the record mania in Nigeria at this time. If you observe, I’m repeating the words “at this time” to give you a hint of the point I’m about to make.
I see the record thing as mental immigration. Tired of the rough times we currently face, Nigerians crave for the “good life” in foreign climes, and if they can’t “Jappa” or get out physically, they can do so through these exploits which give them the platform to try the good life without leaving the shores of their fatherland. I may be wrong about this theory. But I’m not wrong on my determination to break a record once I decide what I can do without slumping. GWR, you dare not get tired of us!
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